With the exception of being excited about All Saints Day, I’ve been dreading November. I’ve been wishing I could just skip November and go right to December. December holds Advent, vacation, Christmas, our wedding anniversary, and of course, New Years Eve. December offers a lot to be excited about….but not November. November I can do without this year.

You see, the coming of November marks the anniversary of a traumatic pain in my life. Last November something happened that changed me, that changed my family, that disrupted life as I knew it, that shattered some of my basic assumptions.  Something that I’ve tried and tried to forget about, but continues to consume my thoughts. I don’t feel the need to share all the details with you, but suffice it to say that I was deeply hurt by some people that I was extremely close to.

In almost a year of dealing with this pain, I’ve run the full gamut of emotions. I’ve been shocked, angry, depressed, indifferent….you name it I’ve been there. I’ve even had it turned around on me by others. I’ve been told that since I’m a Pastor I should be able to let this go, I’ve had nasty-gram Facebook statuses written about my “judgmentalism”, so on and so forth. What those people seem to be missing is that I am a human just as they are. Finite and futile…..And I hurt. I’ve sat up nights with my heart hurting to the point that I’ve prayed that this whole thing could just be a bad dream (I believe in cycle of grief we call that bargaining) and I could go back to last November before this happened. I guess that wounded is an understatement.

Why am I putting all this out in there in blogland? Why am I risking my privacy to be transparent on the world-wide-web? Because my guess is I’m not the only one who has been deeply hurt by someone they loved. I’m positive I’m not the only one who is feeling this way about something. And if my pain can bring some level of help to someone else, then I guess that’s a silver lining. And even though the pain is strong, the hurt is deep, the wound still so fresh; I still hold on to hope. I know, in my heart of hearts, that God will make it okay one day.

I was up around 2am today thinking about this whole situation. Anguishing in my pain again. Praying for God to take the hurt away. Why do I keep praying when it has taken this long? I’m reminded of  John Wesley’s conversation with Peter Böhler in 1738. Wesley was a burned-out preacher who was anguishing to understand how he could preach faith when he had so little. He asked Böhler about it and his reply was curious. He said, “Preach faith till you have it; and then, because you have it, you will preach faith.” Some have taken this as “fake it ’til you make it” theology. I don’t see it that way. I see it as Peter reminding Wesley what he already knew in his mind but wasn’t experiencing in his soul. So keep preaching it until it goes from your head in to your heart and soul.

While I was sitting in a dark living room in the wee hours of this morning, I was listening to my iTunes, praying that music would take me to a better place. “The Valley Song” by Jars of Clay was on my playlist and it hit me in a way I’ve never felt before. Part of it says:

When death like a Gypsy
Comes to steal what I love
I will still look to the heavens
I will still seek your face

But I fear you aren’t listening
Because there are no words
Just the stillness and the hunger
For a faith that assures

I will sing of your mercy
That leads me through valleys of sorrow
to rivers of joy. 

And it hit me in a brand new way. The song doesn’t say that the painful situation just magically became butterflies and rainbows. He’s preaching faith until he gets it. In the midst of the pain he is still proclaiming that God’s mercy will take him through his valley of sorrow and lead him straight to a river of joy. The song goes on:

While we wait for rescue
With our eyes tightly shut
Face to the ground using our hands
To cover the fatal cut

And though the pain is an ocean
Tossing us around, around, around
You have calmed greater waters
Higher mountains have come down

That’s where I’m at. I barely have the strength to look to the heavens. I feel like I’m doing everything I can to cover my fatal cut. It’s true, my pain is an ocean…..it’s long, it’s deep, and it tosses me back and forth. Maybe yours is, too. Maybe you don’t feel like you have the strength to deal with this anymore, and the cut is still so fresh and deep.

What I’m remembering today…what I want you to remember is that even though our situations seem so strong…..God has calmed greater waters! Higher mountains have come down.

So I guess I go in to today with an ounce of hope. Even though I’ve been walking through hell, walking through my valley of sorrow for almost a year. I’m gonna keep on singing about God’s mercy that leads me through it all. You sing about it, too! Go ahead!

I’m hurting, I’m not over this….but I’m waiting for my river of joy!

Okay, I’ll admit it. Halloween is a bit of fun. We had a grand time last night handing out candy, popcorn, hot chocolate, and connection cards at Fusion Homebase. We even had an epic light saber battle between Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny (in my estimation, Santa dominated that poor rabbit). After it was all said and done, the whole group that helped went and had pizza together and the fun continued. So it’s safe to assume that we had a blast on Halloween.

BUT, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t thinking about the holiday after Halloween the whole night. As much fun as we had with Halloween, my mind and heart was firmly fixed on All Saints Day. In the Roman Catholic Church, All Saints Day is for the celebration of all saints known and unknown. Their definition of saint is quite a bit different than us Protestants, so that makes a key difference. In our tradition, one must not be named a Saint by the Pope to become a Saint. All Christians at every time in every place are the Saints.

So, as Protestants, we spend this day remembering the Saints who have gone before us; those who brought to us the Living Water of Jesus Christ in some way or another; but who we see no longer. They have died in the Lord. Those saints in our lives have become a part of our cloud of witnesses, continuing to cheer us on in this life.

Who are the saints in your life that went before you? Those who influenced your spiritual journey, your life?

I think, of course, of my great-grandpa Koehler. He died in 2008, but his example in faithfulness to the Church lives on. His encouragement of my vocational call to ministry is still audible in my mind.

I know that he stands as a part of my cloud of witnesses urging me on to deeper levels of devotion to Christ.

 

I think of Amer, a man from my Cornell congregation who died this past year. Amer was in constant contact with me from day one in this parish. He always had a warm smile and word of encouragement. He dedicated a large majority of his life to serving his church. When we come to making decisions about the future of the Church, I always think of Amer. I think of the day he stood up in church and said he didn’t particularly care for some of the changes the new pastor (me) was making because they were out of his comfort zone, but he was going to go with them because he wanted his church to continue to glorify Christ after he was gone.

Those are just two of the many saints that I remember, that I honor, this day. Who are the Saints that you honor and remember today? I’d love to hear about them.

God’s Love Letters to You, is a 40 day devotional journey that grew out of Dr. Larry Crabb’s intimate conversation with God in book-form entitled 66 Love Letters. The concept of this book is to discover just how much God loves you. Each of the 40 very short devotionals centers around a short reading from a book of the Bible. 20 from the Old Testament, and 20 from the New Testament. I found the devotionals to be very inspirational. This book is good for someone who is trying to start a devotional habit, as each day is pretty short. It’s a good “starter” for the devotional life. For the Christian looking for more depth, this devotional may not be for you. There is not doctrinal depth…nothing about salvation, atonement, etc. However, I still feel that the book is a good starter devotional, and inspired me to deeper levels of love for my Savior.

 

 

 

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com  book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

It began last July. I was appointed to plant a new church in Flanagan. I started laying some groundwork, talking to people, recruiting a small launch team. I really stressed over a name….I really wanted something that made sense with the whole concept. We knew we wanted “a place to belong”.  Every name that I tried to force just didn’t seem right. New Hope, Living Water, Cornerstone, First United Methodist (actually that one never even crossed my mind). Then one day, when I wasn’t even particularly thinking about a name it came…Fusion. I looked it up and the medical dictionary defines it as, “the process of several diverse objects coming together to form a unified whole.” I knew instantly that it fit. Fusion Church was born.

I tapped February 27, 2011 as our first preview service. We would meet at the High School at 9am. Direct-mail postcards went out inviting folks to this first service. We ordered our guest gifts, planned the flow of the service and printed the bulletins. A group of us spent the morning before hooking up the entire sound system that was donated to make sure it even worked. A larger group gathered to transform the cafeteria at the High School into an acceptable worship space. When Saturday was all said and done…I was nervous. I sat on my couch and looked at my friend Mark and said, “I feel like I’m a teenager again getting ready to give my first sermon.”

I didn’t sleep a wink Saturday night…everytime I started to sleep I remembered something else I needed to remember for the service. And then there was the nagging thought in the back of my mind that so many pastors before have wrestled with when it comes to any new ministry, “what if nobody shows up?”

I got to the school and waited. The rest of the launch team showed up and expertly prepared to carry out their assigned tasks. I felt like I could have crawled into a hole. Then it happened. The door opened and people started coming in. “Okay, at least people showed up. But what if things don’t go well?”

I waited for the end of the countdown and welcomed everyone. Then Mark played the first note of the first song ever to be sung at Fusion Church…I’ve never heard such a beautiful note. In that moment I felt God grabbing me by the shoulders and saying, “see, I’ve got this! Relax, and let’s do this together!”

The rest of the service went marvelously. Did we do everything perfectly? No, but that’s why we do preview services. But the most important thing that needed to happen did…the Holy Spirit was in our midst…we all felt it. From those on the launch team, to the silent prayer partners all over the country. From the pastor up front, to the guests who were maybe in a Church for the first time in their lives…we all knew that something was moving among us, drawing us together, touching our very souls…and we knew that it was good.

When it was all said and done, I was pumped. Folks from my congregation in Cornell could tell that God had touched me in a fresh way that day….they felt it, too.

After everything was torn down and stored for next month, after both services were through, after lunch with a great group of Fusioners, I was exhausted. My wife asked me how I felt now that we had the first preview service under my belt. My response? “I can’t wait for next month.”

I watched Facebook that night to see the comments people had made about Fusion. I watched people who encountered us for the first time that morning already inviting others to next month.

Yes, I can’t wait for next month, and the month after that. I can’t wait for the time that we launch for weekly worship. I can’t wait for the weather to stay in our favor so we can engage more people in this area. I can’t wait to serve this community in real and visible ways that show people, “Fusion is for real. we’re here to stay. We love God and we love you!”

I have no clue what Fusion will look like several months from now, let alone years from now. But I know that Fusion is a dream that began in God’s heart…so whatever it becomes will be good. I’m asking God to show me those dreams, where to go, how to do it.

What dreams may come…they will be from God. What dreams may come…God, I can’t wait to see!

“Why have certain spiritual disciplines been in use for centuries, and why are they so important?

It is questionable if one can ever be exactly the same person waking up on two consecutive days. How are spiritual sojourners to cope with the constant change? Many are beginning to explore the ancient Christian spiritual practices, such as fixed-hour prayer, fasting and sincere observance of the Sabbath. What is causing this hunger for deeper spirituality?

Brian McLaren guides us on this quest for an explanation of these spiritual practices, many of which go all the way back to Abraham and the establishment of Israel. In the midst of contemporary Christianity, we discover the beauty of these disciplines and the transformation through Christ that each can provide.”

For some reason I’ve always been a Brian McLaren fan from the first time I read one of his books. I kind of surprise myself with my likeing of his writing. As what most would describe as a “moderate evangelical” one would not think I would gel with someone who has been labeled a heretic by many orthodox Christians. His book, “A New Kind of Christian” is one that I recommend to people on a consistent basis.

 This book, “Finding Our Way Again” proposes to put the reader in touch with Ancient Spiritual Practices. It does just that. The book is divided into three sections: Way, Practices, Ancient. I did, as usual, find some of McLaren’s theology to be questionable but I do not doubt his heart and comitment to the advancement of the Kingdom of God one bit. As someone who enjoys Contemplative Prayer, Taize, and other forms of what some would describe as “ancient practices” I found this book to be highly enjoyable with some good tips for developing these spiritual disciplines in my own life. I also found the included Study Guide to be a nice touch that would make this book easily adaptable for a Sunday School Class or other small group.

Enjoy!

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com  book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

This book seemed so awesome….“In this entertaining, highly readable book, couples learn that a fabulous marriage can be the outcome of learning to pray together, a minimum of five minutes a day, causing a 20 to 30% increase in romance, conversation and happiness.

Best-selling author Squire Rushnell and his wife, entertainer and talk show host, Louise DuArt take readers step by step through The 40 Day Prayer Challenge™ in which couples commit to praying together five minutes a day for forty days. Backed by compelling research from Baylor University and Gallup Poll, the true-life experiences of 24 test couples reveal that daily prayer is a “life changing experience” in which most couples report positive outcomes in less than two weeks.”

This book makes some lofty claims and the description makes it sound like there is an outline for the 40-day prayer challenge. I thought it would be fun for Brittney and I to work through the “prayer challenge” together and then blog our experience. However, there is no prayer challenge structure at all.

The book was really just a stringing together of some pithy stories of celebrity couples who pray together. It read more like an infomercial than anything else. I found some of the “marriage theology” to be weak and unconvincing.
Up front, there are some interesting statistics of couples who never pray together vs. those who do and the way they describe their marriage, sex life, etc. I have to wonder, though, how much the results were based on causation as opposed to correlation.

Bottom line…pray with your spouse. It will build a stronger and happier marriage. You do not need this 200 page infomercial to get started…good premise, poor delivery.

Take your own prayer challenge….commit to spending at least 5 minutes a day together in prayer and watch the results.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

I started reading this book for a class I am taking this semester. I have to admit that more often than not I find myself less than impressed with the textbook selection for any given class. I’ve found myself saying time and time again, “this is awful, (insert book name here) would have been a much better choice.” Once in awhile, though, I find a gem. I’m only 40 pages into Christopher Wright’s 2010 Book “The Mission of God’s People: A Biblical Theology of the Church’s Mission”, but I already know that this is a book you’ll want to check out!

Just in the first pages, he hit on something that has always bugged me about “mission” in the Church. Typically, a Church has one of three views toward mission.

1. Mission is something that is somewhere overseas in a foreign country. It is cross-cultural and is participated in by those who either have raised enough support to dedicate their whole life to this work, or by those who take short-term trips from their churches (college groups, youth groups, etc.)
2. Mission is primarily social. We are called to be stewards of this earth. We hear Scripture’s mandates to be a blessing to the nations, seek the welfare of the city, take care of widows and orphans, be the salt of the earth and light of the world. We hear over and over in them a call to doing good and doing justice. Our mission is to bring about social justice in the world.
3. Mission is primarily evangelistic. We have the responsibility to “bring lost souls into the kingdom”. Our mission is to connect people to a God who can cure their sin problem and swipe their “get out of hell free card.”

Taken separately, I think we miss the vastness of mission. They are all worthy “missions” but when we focus on one primarily over the other(s) we miss what mission is all about. Mission has primarily to do with sending and being sent. We are sent by God to accomplish God’s mission in the creation. Wright says, “our mission flows from God’s mission, and God’s mission is for the sake of his whole word–indeed his whole creation.” When we get into the tired old argument between evangelical and social action, we miss something about our own mission. Since God’s mission includes the entire creation–so does ours. Wright says, “Perhaps this sounds like the hoary and familiar debate about the relationship between evangelism and social action, but I hope that our study…will take us beyond the traditional polarizing and prioritizing that…so distorts and pulls part what God intended to be held together.”

When we allow our mission as God’s people to be God’s mission instead of a prioritizing of our own agendas we see that there is mission in foreign countries, their is mission right next door, their is mission that involves us working for change that brings about transformation to our world. God’s mission is inclusive of the entire creation…of all the areas that we typically segregate into separate “types” of mission.

We work not just to bring about justice and relief, not just to cure a sin problem…but to encompass it all to bring about changed lives as we align our mission with God’s.

I hope to share more with you from this book that I’m sure has much more to offer!

I’m not even sure what to title this. I stopped any reading or homework that I was doing tonight and watched an episode of “Chopped”. I’ve become quite fond of this show…Brittney even stood in the kitchen tonight as I was finishing my chicken tenderloin creation yelling, “1 minute remaining, chef!”. We sat and critiqued the dish….I applauded myself for the fact that there were several different flavors going on in the one dish but that they were not competing with one another. After we finished, I dubbed myself the “new chopped champion.” Anyways…back to reality!

While I was watching “Chopped” I was stalking people on Facebook (don’t judge me!) and came across a couple of folks that I had not talked to in a few years. I had encountered them both at some point during college. I would not say that I was close with either of them nor did I ever hang-out with either of them outside of class. I did believe, however, that both had tremendous aptitude for ministry. I was struck on the first person’s page when I saw that their religious beliefs said “Atheist.” The second person had converted to Islam. I was floored. What could have happened to cause this drastic change in their lives? I had to know.

So, I took my stalking to the next level and looked into their blogs. Without quoting them or linking to their blogs out of respect for their privacy I just want to share what struck me as common to both. It seems to me that the biggest complaint either of them had against Christianity was a lack of accountability/hypocrisy.

They both cited the fact that they had encountered Christians who either lived a lie or hid behind their Christianity to justify their lifestyle. They were turned off by this fake brand of Christianity and it drove them both away from the Christian faith…one to a different faith, the other to an abandonment of faith.

This hurts me, it bothers me. To think that our “freedom in Christ” means that we can get away with any type of action or behavior without some type of accountability because “Jesus paid it all” really misses the boat. I admit that I have been guilty of hiding behind my faith to justify a sinful behavior, or avoided acknowledging that what I was partaking in was a sinful behavior altogether….and I pray God’s forgiveness….especially where my actions have pushed others away from faith.

Wake up, Christians! We can’t keep getting drunk every weekend and justify it by saying “Jesus drank wine.” You’re right there is nothing wrong with drinking…but the amount you put back and the way it makes you act….think about it.

We can’t keep exploiting people and calling it good business.

We can’t keep engaging in extra-marital relationships and calling it “love”.

We can’t make excuses especially when we know what we’re doing is wrong…”I know it’s wrong…but I can’t stop now.”

I am not trying to judge, I am not trying to be mean. This is as much for me as it is for anyone else. Wake up, Christians! We’re damaging our witness in the world!

Wake up, Christians! The world is watching! My favorite professor in Bible College used to say, “whether you want to be a preacher or not, your life preaches a sermon through the way you live…What are you preaching?”

I’m not usually a nervous person. But I can’t help it tonight. I’m going back to a former Church tomorrow morning to raise support for Fusion. It’s been over three years since I’ve been there, and I’m nervous. What if the words don’t come? What if they don’t buy in to the vision?

But then I am reminded…I am reminded of God’s promises. I especially think of the fear that Moses had before returning to Egypt. Certainly after the burning bush experience and all that I AM had spoken to him he knew he had a great message to preach….yet he still doubted his own tongue; his own persuasiveness. Then God speaks to him:

¹¹ The LORD said to him, “Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the LORD? ¹² Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.” (Exodus 4:11-12)

Lord, I give this all to you. My prayer is that you empty me, and simply speak:

Every night, every day
I find that I have nothing left to say
So I stand here in silence awaiting Your guidance
I’m wanting only Your voice to be heard
Let them be Your Words
Let them be Your words

Give me Words to speak
Don’t let my Spirit sleep
Cause I can’t think of anything worth saying
But I know that I owe You my life
So give me Words to speak
Don’t let my Spirit sleep

 

This is one of those reviews where one will clearly see that a reviewer is not required to write a positive review. You will find most of my reviews are not overly critical and are usually generous and positive. I can typically find something to glean from any book…except this one. I was extremely excited to read this book. Much of my passion in research has been in the area of recovering a fuller understanding and practice of Eucharistic theology in the Church. My concern has been that in many churches, the Sacramental Meal has become nothing more than an ancient ritual devoid of any modern application.

This book, by Nora Gallagher,  attempts to answer many of the questions concerning Holy Communion. It comes highly recommended by Brian McLaren whom I have a tremendous amount of respect for (I especially enjoyed “A New Kind of Christian” and “A Generous Orthodoxy”).

Nora writes from her own deep appreciation and reverence for Holy Communion as an experienced lay person. Her personal stories are to be commended as is her conversational tone throughout the book. There were some shining moments where I found myself reflecting on this transformational means of grace and the effect it has had on my life and faith.

However, I feel this book failed to achieve its main goal. Apart from finding at least one error in paragraph formatting (tsk tsk Thomas Nelson), I felt like I was dissecting run-on sentences more than processing information. More often than not, I found Gallagher’s arguments to be poorly developed or supported. She took the opportunity of this book to argue some theological biases that had little or nothing to do with her subject matter and tried to loosely tie them together. And while I appreciate her deep devotion and appreciation for Holy Communion, I find her Sacramental Theology largely undeveloped.

This book left me wanting something, and I am certainly not inclined to recommend it to anyone else.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”